on the road to beautiful

"Father come to me, hold me up 'cause I can barely stand
My strength is gone and my breath is short, I can't reach out my hands
But my heart is set on a pilgrimage to heaven's own bright King
So in faltering or victory I will always sing"
-- Charlie Hall "On the Road to Beautiful"

This was pretty much my theme song when training for the marathon, especially on the really long 15-18 mile runs, but I find that it is increasingly becoming my theme song for LIFE. Even though my life is amazingly blessed, sometimes I find myself getting so overwhelmed that I feel like I am struggling to find the strength just to go on. And though I hate that feeling, in a way I know that that point of vulnerability is exactly where I need to be. In all honesty, I can't do anything on my own and that is something that isn't easy for me to admit. Being completely reliant on someone else is not in my nature (as I'm sure all of you who know me well are very aware of), but knowing that my Heavenly Father is absolutely trustworthy allows me to lay everything (including my own weak self) at His feet.

Through countless avenues -- my own experience, the lives of other, the Bible -- God has shown me so clearly that He always provides for His will to be accomplished. We usually think of that provision as financial or material but often God's provision in my life comes through Himself -- His strength, His comfort, motivation to do His work, or just His presence. Right now my struggle is with motivation and discipline. I know that God is the one who called me back to medical school and I know that He will provide for me to accomplish His will, but I am lacking motivation to do my part and to join with God in His work. I am lacking discipline to make myself study when there are so many other things I would rather be doing. I am lacking confidence in my intelligence and ability.

All of these fears and doubts only make me want to run to God more, to be more dependent on Him and yet this desire doesn't always translate into action on my part. So I need YOU as well as God. I need and covet your prayers. God allows us the unique opportunity to intercede for each other, to fight for each other, and to partner with each other to accomplish His work and His will. So will you join me on "the road to beautiful" where we rely on God, but also on each other? Where we know that God provides but we petition for that provision in each others' lives? Where we share each others' faltering as well as victory? Where we truly become the body of Christ, knowing that one part can't work without all of the others?

the future mrs. rickard

I am engaged!!! Below is the slideshow Jamie used to propose :) (Sorry for the stamp that appears after 3 minutes but I had to download the free version to convert the slideshow). It was amazing and so special. He proposed at church, where we met. I'm sure I will post more later but for now just want to hear your reactions ;) Oh yeah....and any opinions on running away to Jamaica to get married or getting married in WV?

check it off the bucket list

Yesterday, I finished the Chevron Houston marathon! It has been a goal of mine to do a marathon before I turned 30 so I guess I am 4 years ahead of schedule ;) I finished in about 4 hours and 45 minutes, what most would consider a pretty mediocre marathon, but I was ecstatic just to cross the finish line. Many, many people finished ahead of me (including all my friends who were running) but God taught me a lot during my run about focusing on the race He has set out for ME instead of worrying about what He has planned for other people. I have always struggled with comparing myself to others, but God showed me (in a very practical, tangible way) that all He expects of me is to do my best with the abilities He has given me. He doesn't want me to be the best at everything, He just wants MY best. And sometimes that is a hard realization. It isn't easy to feel inferior to others because our pride wants us to feel like the best. The experience of going back to medical school taught me so much about not living up to others' expectations and instead following the path God has, but it is difficult to keep that perspective in day to day life sometimes. Easy to see God's hand in the big things but less so in questions like "why does that person have a talent that I don't?" "why is he/she a better runner/athlete than me?" "why doesn't she have to worry about her weight?".... And I know that these questions aren't the God's concerns, but mine . Instead, God wants me to have this focus:
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12:1-3

Dreams

God has been teaching me so much about dreams lately. And why wouldn't He? He is the author of dreams. I have seen so many BIG dreams come to fruition recently that it has made me realize that the only thing that holds us back from accomplishing great, amazing, impossible things is that we limit God by NOT dreaming. For the longest time, my dreams were wrapped up in the things of this world. I dreamed of a settled life and good job, a nice house, time and money to travel to exotic locations......and none of those are bad things, but God has since opened the eyes of my heart to bigger dreams, to crazy dreams, to dreams that will echo in eternity. He has taken my life and turned it upside down...and I love it. I love not knowing what 2008 will bring, not knowing what God will do, not knowing the exact direction my life is heading. I love that when God gives us a dream, HE provides for the fulfillment of that dream, even when it seems impossible, even in the face of naysayers, even in the most unlikely circumstances.

"Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

26.2

So.....the marathon is only 9 days away and the more quickly it approaches, the more nervous I get. A million doubts immediately come bubbling to the surface every time I let myself think about it: "You haven't trained enough" "You can't do it" "You should have done the half instead" And yet all I can do is trust that God has a plan for this marathon. IF I finish it will only be by His strength....and if I don't, it will also be part of His plan. The thing that makes me the most nervous is that I have decided to run the race for Daphne, and amazing woman of God who I am blessed to know and who at 20 years old is kicking cancer's butt and glorifying God every step of the way. I don't want to disappoint her or let her down. How can I complain about not having strength to do this marathon when Daphne has just lost her leg? I know that the same power of God that has allowed her to have a positive and accepting attitude in the face of cancer is the only thing that can get me through 26.2 miles. And I continue to be amazed that the power that raised Christ from the dead is the power that works in our lives when we follow Him. My own strength gets me nowhere, certainly not 26.2 miles from where I began. So all I can do is rest in Christ, knowing that His plan, His strength is immeasurably greater than mine. And every step of the way I will be thinking of you, Daph, and praising God for your testimony of Him.

the end of poverty?

"Currently, more than eight million people around the world die each year because they are too poor to stay alive." -- Jeffrey D. Sachs "The End of Poverty"

What do you think when you read that statement? For me it was a startling realization of the absolute impact extreme poverty has on our world. In the United States, we don't often worry about literally being too poor to live. We do not face poverty knocking at, or even kicking in, our door every day, just as dangerous as any serial killer. We do not see millions dying of a disease which could be treated for $1 a day. ONE DOLLAR...most of us spend more than that on our daily cup of coffee. Because this is not a daily struggle in our nation, most do not grasp the gravity of the situation. Children, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers are dying simply because they were born in the wrong country, in the wrong circumstances. THAT should affect us. THAT should touch our hearts. THAT should open our eyes to injustice. And yet most of us will go on...unaffected. Why? Because we think there is nothing we can do, because the problem seems too big, because we don't feel we have the resources to help. But we are wrong! Jeffrey Sachs says it best: "The fight for the end of poverty is a fight that all of us must join in our own way." What is your role? That is a question you have to answer on your own, but one of the easiest and most valuable steps any of us can take is educating ourselves. The more we talk about this issue, the more we raise awareness... the more we give those in extreme poverty a voice that they do not have on their own. Helping those in extreme poverty is not about handouts or charity, it is about creating an environment and a society in which they have the opportunity to grow and prosper. The more I read and learn about this issue...the more and more it becomes my heart....and I think it is God's heart as well. Isaiah 58 says:
⁶ "Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?

⁷ Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe him,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

⁸ Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness will go before you,
and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.

⁹ Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
"If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,

¹⁰ and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.

¹¹ The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.

God CARES about the oppressed. God CARES about those who live in poverty. God CARES about the hungry....do we?

In the words of Bono (who is much more articulate than I): We can be the generation that no longer accepts that an accident of latitude determines whether a child lives or dies -- but will we be that generation? Will we in the West realize our potential or will we sleep in the comfort of our affluence with apathy and indifference murmuring softly in our ears? Fifteen thousands people dying needlessly every day from AIDS, TB, and malaria. Mothers, fathers, teachers, farmers, nurses, mechanics, children. This is Africa's crisis. That it's not on the nightly news, that we do not treat this as an emergency -- that's our crisis."