lessons from the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day

I just had to pay tribute to this book (one of my favs as a child) since I felt like I was living in it Monday (for more about that, see last post):

But I found that God has been teaching me a few things lately, partly through that day (and the preceding and subsequent crazy weeks), but also through just reflecting on my life lately. Just a little summary for you:

• First of all, I was able to share the story of my very unfortunate car week with the girls at Wired last night as an example of the way God is teaching me to trust Him especially when I don't understand what the heck He is doing. We were talking about how God knows what He's doing and that we can trust Him even when we can't see what that is and I thought this was a perfect example.
• God has really confronted me with my attachment to material possessions. I never considered this a big problem for me and I wasn't that upset about the fact that our cars got dented but I did realize that I was mourning the loss of the things we could buy with the money we will be spending on repairs. Turns out, I really like nice things. I like vacations, going out to dinner, buying things for the house, just picking up random things that I see at Target...and I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with those things. But God has been challenging me to check the importance I place on them in light of how much He has blessed me already and how unimportant they are in the eternal scheme of things.
• ""Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30...Pretty self explanatory but this was the verse presented by a speaker at CMDA (Christian Medical and Dental Association) yesterday. Besides being just the encouragement I needed, it make me realize that I complain too much. No matter how heavy my load, it is light if I let Jesus help me carry it...or better yet, give it to Him altogether.
• God has been showing me an inconsistency in my desires and how I actually live my life. As I was worshiping last night at Wired and singing "King of Majesty/I have one desire/Just to be with you my Lord," I really meant it, but then at home a couple hours later I was yelling at Jamie about something stupid. See, my desire is to follow Jesus and to live my life in a way that glorifies Him but often that's as far as I go....desire. I get lazy at the work that goes into maintaining a relationship with God that allows me to live my life in a way that glorifies Him.

As you can see, God is teaching me a lot...Just wish He didn't have to get my attention with terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days ;)

better off in bed

Have you ever had one of those days where you should have just stayed in bed? Yesterday was one of those days for me. It all started when, instead of the alarm on my phone going off, the phone froze at the time the alarm should have been going off and Jamie woke up a half-hour late for work. The day starting off on the wrong foot before we even woke up should have been my first clue not to get out of bed. But instead, I got up and went to class. To make a long story (and day) short, I ended up hitting a truck in the parking lot at the hospital on my way from class to meet a friend for lunch -- in Jamie's truck. Mind you, this is my second accident in a eight days, the first being a slide on black ice into a guardrail in my car. This after a lifetime of very little trouble in the way of cars. God must be teaching me something, although I'm not 100% sure what yet. Maybe a little clue from my Bible reading yesterday though:

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4

Prayers appreciated that the damage won't be too expensive and that I can find joy even in a Monday were I spent a significant portion of the day crying.

"normal people" weekend

This weekend was unique for Jamie and I: Because he had to go to inservice in Charleston for three days this week, Jamie actually worked dayshift all week and had the entire weekend off -- a "normal people" schedule! Despite the fact that I still had to study this weekend, we took advantage of his time off and had some fun.

Friday:
We went to Black Bear to see Chris Cendana (one of my friends from high school and an excellent musician) play. It is rare that Jamie gets to hang out with our group of friends since activities usually occur on evenings and weekends so it was nice to get some people together to eat good food, drink some margaritas and listen to some great music. Afterward, we went out on the town for a bit before settling in for the night.

Saturday:
We had a pretty chill day (which was nice after a night out -- man, we are getting old). We did "married people stuff" i.e. taxes and my FAFSA and Jamie watched some TV while I studied. We did venture out for Schroder's second trip to Petco (the first was on the first day we got him and I think he was a little traumatized). This time went much better. We got him a few toys and got a few new fish since our cannabalistic goldfish ate all the other ones we had. After our trip to Petco, we felt inspired to watch "It's Me or the Dog" to get some training trips for Schroder, especially since he has been pulling on his leash a lot lately. We thought a harness was the cure until Schroder figured out that he hated it and chewed through almost the whole thing while we were taking a nap. He may hate training, but at least he's smart.

Sunday:
Jamie and I slept in a bit, made waffles for breakfast, then enjoyed actually getting to go to church together. The rest of the day was spent running errands, relaxing (Jamie) and studying (me) before heading to dinner with our community group. Despite the misery of studying on a weekend that my husband actually had off, I did get caught up before starting the dreaded test week.

Overall, we spent a significant part of the weekend dreaming about what it would be like if I didn't have to study, Jamie worked a regular schedule and we had real, relaxing weekends all the time. Hopefully someday it will happen, but who knows. It definitely didn't help my desire to quit school, but did increase my desire for spring break in 2 weeks and my appreciation for the time that Jamie and I actually do get to spend together.

just for laughs

It's Monday so I'm sure you need a good laugh :) This is my new favorite YouTube video....It makes any day brighter!

redefining failure

Lately, I have been struggling a lot with inadequacy, especially in the area of being a wife. It seems that when I look around at other Christian wives I see women who stay at home, cook dinner every night, plan meals for the week or month, budget, stay on top of cleaning, have babies and raise them. All of that stuff is amazing (if you are one of these wives you rock my life), but it simply isn't my life right now. I am the wife whose house may look like a tornado hit it, especially on test week. I am the wife who is more likely to pick up dinner somewhere while running between school, meetings, etc than to cook a big meal. I am the wife who will probably eat cereal for dinner if her husband's at work. I am the wife whose husband is more likely to do laundry than I am. The longest my planning of meals usually goes is this: what are we eating for the next one? I am the wife who doesn't know when she'll have kids and questions if she'll ever be ready since sometimes she can't handle taking care of a puppy.

Believe me, I know that I'm not supposed to be comparing myself to other people (easier said than done for me!) but as I look around at other Christians it is difficult to find wives in a similar situation as mine, or at least those women are not the ones in my life or my community. All this to say that lately I have been calling into question what my life is supposed to look like in light of my role and responsibility as a Christian wife and the call that I feel that God has for me and feeling like a failure on most counts.

Fortunately, yesterday I was able to attend a lunch seminar with Charles Lee, who is a pastor and co-founder of an organization called Just One. His talk was about creativity, but as a part of it he also addressed redefining failure using this video as illustration:




He made the point that outcomes are God's business and that our part of the equation is simply faithfulness. His spin on failure was this: "If you stay faithful to the passions God has formed in you, you cannot fail."

Does this mean I don't want to be better at domestic things and taking care of my home? No, but it does mean that I am free to leave the results up to God while I worry about staying faithful to His calling.

random acts of kindness

So, I'm not sure how many of you know this, but this week is Random Acts of Kindness Week. Last night, at our Wired small group, we were talking about creative ways to bless others especially in light of this week (and wondering if you plan something if it can still be a random act of kindness). Little did I know, I was going to get a chance to witness a truly random act of kindness today.

Since it was such a nice day, Jamie and I decided to take Schroder to the Botanical Gardens for a little jog/walk. On our first lap around the trail, we noticed a man who had tied his dog's leash to a tree and was yelling for another dog to come to him. As we got closer, we saw that the other dog was in a creek that had gotten fairly deep because of the rain recently. On top of that, the dog was blind. Apparently, the dog had fallen off the bridge and into the water. As soon as we figured out what was going on, Jamie handed me Schroder's leash and waded down to the water to help retrieve the dog. After probably 10-15 minutes, he and the dog's owner finally got the dog out of the water and back on his leash.

The moral of this story? I love that I have the kind of husband who didn't hesitate to help someone in need (especially since the runaway dog situation was all too reminiscent of my awful night with Schroder on Friday....whole other story). In truth, it's what we as Christians are supposed to do, not just on Random Acts of Kindness Week, but always. I love the picture Jesus paints for us in the Bible of what it's like when we help others: "I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me." (Matthew 25:40)

I pray that this week and the above scripture would be a reminder to us as Christians that we are to live a Random (and planned) Acts of Kindness LIFE! Feel free to leave any ideas of RAOK that you have done or that others have done to bless you...I would love to hear them :)

balancing act

Lately I have been thinking a lot about grace and its dispensation. More specifically, I have struggled with the balance of grace and accountability. How do I encourage my brothers and sisters in their walk with Christ and keep them accountable to that while still displaying the grace that has been so freely given to me? How do I keep others accountable for things that I have messed up on in the past without being hypocritical, legalistic, judgmental? Less it sound differently, I do believe this can and should be done but in my humanness I find it a constant struggle that I probably mess up more than I get right.

This balancing act is one of the things that makes living in community so difficult. Inevitably you are dealing with a group of people that are not in the same place spiritually and it is often difficult to know how to deal with individuals in the place where they are instead of treating everyone the same or assuming everyone is at the same place spiritually as you are. As the pastor from my home church likes to say, "Sameness isn't fairness," and he's right. While it might seem fair and equal to treat everyone the same, it's not the way Jesus treats us and not the example given to us from the Bible. In 1 Thessalonians 5:14, Paul says, "And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone." He urges us to treat people differently based on they place they are in. If they are lazy they should be warned, if they are timid they should be encouraged, if they are weak, they need help. When we warn the weak or encourage the idle, we do them a disservice, which is why the same approach cannot work for every person. "Sameness isn't fairness."

But the part of that verse that I have the hardest time with is "be patient with everyone." Ahhh, back to the balancing act. I will admit, I struggle with being patient with those who are less spiritually mature or who are immature in general. Not that I have it all figured out by any means, but I find myself getting impatient with those who I feel should "know better." I rarely stop to question whether they do know better or examine whether instead of being idle they are perhaps timid or weak...I jump right on the "warn" bandwagon. My prayer is that as I navigate through the balancing act of grace versus action, God will give me eyes to better discern individual needs and patience with the timid, the weak, AND the idle.