luke 11:11-13

From my last post, some of you may have guessed that Jamie and I have been having some financial problems recently. Things have been really tight lately and long story short, we weren't sure if we were going to be able to pay our bills this month. We prayed about the situation and had to trust that God would provide or show us what was best (which was easier said than done for me since I tend to be a natural worrier).

Then, on Saturday afternoon, as I was cleaning up after the yard sale, I found an envelope on our kitchen counter that said "Luke 11:11-13" on the outside. For those of you who aren't familiar, those verses say:

"What father among you, if his son asks for a fish, will instead of a fish give him a serpent; or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!"

The envelope was sealed so I asked Jamie if it was his or if he knew where it came from. When he said no, we opened the envelope and inside was $300! We don't know who gave us that money or how or why but I can't tell you how thankful I am for it. It is refreshing and awe-inspiring to experience this example of true community and the tangibility of Christ's love. I am thankful for a living example of some things God has been teaching me through these verses:

"By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him? Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth." 1 John 3: 16-18

Most of all, I am thankful for a loving Father who knows just what we need and who cares for us even we we can't see past our circumstances.

a gift from God (in the form of chocolate, raisins and friendship)

Don't you just love when God knows exactly what you need when you need it? For the last several weeks, I have been feeling really lonely and left out. Maybe it is because I have been a studying hermit lately, but it seems like I have been missing out on a lot. The biggest void that I have been feeling is in close female relationships. I am blessed to have friends all over the world (doing amazing things for God I might add!) but the lack of the physical closeness of my girl friends is sorely felt at times. And despite having an amazing community group, I have found it hard to cultivate the same type of close female friendships and most of my efforts have felt very one-sided. In short, I was in need of some encouragement.

Enter Sarah.

As I was studying tonight at Panera, she brought me this study "care package" (complete with chocolate, caffeine and raisins and the scientific evidence to prove they would help my studying ;)) :


It was such a bright spot in my day....let's be honest - in the last couple weeks! I think I just needed a reminder that I wasn't forgotten - by others or God. I love that God allows us to partner with Him to bring encouragement to others and I am thankful that He saw fit to bless me today when I needed it most.

motivation

...lately I have been lacking it. School has been so overwhelming that everything else seems to fall by the wayside (including blogging), not to mention my motivation for studying has been severely waning. To be honest I have felt like everything I'm doing is sub-par these days.

However, in the last several days (thanks to some encouragement and advice from people I am in community with), I have found that when I am intentional about working (and studying, and cleaning...) as to the Lord, that my stinky attitude gets much better. In short, when I make Christ my motivation, I am a lot more motivated! Don't get me wrong, I still don't do this every moment of my day, but in those moments when I do, I find that even the most mundane tasks can be joyful and worshipful.

I covet your prayers in the next week or so as I finish up school with some high stakes exams that I have to pass to pass second year and for the next month and half as I study for my boards. Pray that my focus can be on Christ and His will and that my days would Spirit-led instead of driven by stress and fear. Grace and peace to you all. Namaste!

funk

So this video pretty much describes my life the past couple days. Sometimes I feel myself being dragged down into the pit of despair by med school, other commitments, feeling like I never have time to see my friends or fiance, frustrations with looking for a house to buy, etc. Lately I feel like I have been spreading myself so thin and pouring myself out and yet not feeling successful in any area of my life, almost like a hamster on a wheel -- expending a lot of energy and getting nowhere. And for some reason, maybe due to exhaustion or feeling like I was once again missing out on a fun activity because of studying, last night everything hit the fan. I suddenly found myself being so negative, not hopeful at all -- exactly the way I DON'T want to be. It's funny how quickly we can slip into the trap of discouragement....almost before I knew what was happening or why I felt the way I did I found myself laying in the floor of my apartment crying. I'm not talking a few tears but the full out crying where you can barely even breathe, the way I used to cry when I was a kid and I was sure that the latest catastrophe (whether it was breaking my favorite toy or getting in trouble and getting a spanking) was the end of the world. In the midst of all this though, I could feel my Heavenly Father, my Daddy, there rubbing my back and telling me things were going to be okay just like my earthly parents used to. He knew it wasn't the end of the world...and yet I still felt like it was. And that's when He started pulling, absolutely dragging me out of my funk. It wasn't instantaneous, nor was it permanent I'm sure, but I love how God loves me despite the fact that He knows I will stumble again into discouragement and negativity. I feel like Paul when he said that he did the things he didn't want to do and what he wanted to do he didn't do. I WANT to choose joy over despair, I want to choose victory over defeat, I want to choose God's thoughts and ways over all those that are battling for my attention. I know that God's vision and perspective are so much bigger than my own but when I can't see a way out of an overwhelming situation, in my short-sightedness I find myself losing hope. That's why these words from Romans 8 were such a comfort to me when my friend Bryan send them to me on facebook:

"Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified. What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?"

I know that God is for me but sometimes I think I am against myself. I have a tendency to let negativity get the best of me. And that's why I am so thankful for God's hand guiding me, pulling me, and sometimes even dragging me kicking and screaming.