motivation

...lately I have been lacking it. School has been so overwhelming that everything else seems to fall by the wayside (including blogging), not to mention my motivation for studying has been severely waning. To be honest I have felt like everything I'm doing is sub-par these days.

However, in the last several days (thanks to some encouragement and advice from people I am in community with), I have found that when I am intentional about working (and studying, and cleaning...) as to the Lord, that my stinky attitude gets much better. In short, when I make Christ my motivation, I am a lot more motivated! Don't get me wrong, I still don't do this every moment of my day, but in those moments when I do, I find that even the most mundane tasks can be joyful and worshipful.

I covet your prayers in the next week or so as I finish up school with some high stakes exams that I have to pass to pass second year and for the next month and half as I study for my boards. Pray that my focus can be on Christ and His will and that my days would Spirit-led instead of driven by stress and fear. Grace and peace to you all. Namaste!

reflecting

While Janine was here, I had the pleasure of hearing her speak to the Wired group about her work with Nuru which was #1 - just great and #2 - a challenge for me to find and pursue the things I am passionate about and allow God to show me who He has made me so that I can better serve Him. It would be easy (and is much of the time!) to wish that I had Janine's (or someone else's) life, or gifting, or abilities, but instead I am trying to learn to tap into my Creator and allow Him to show me how He has made me unique. Janine shared a favorite quote of mine during her talk:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

I have seen this principle at work in Janine's life through the amazing things she has been able to do by utilizing and embracing the talents that God has given her, but it is something I struggle with in my own life. I have always been taught that humbleness is paramount, but sometimes I think I take that a step too far. I still don't want to brag about myself but often I also shy away from "bragging" about what God is doing with me. I also have a hard time recognizing my gifts because it's hard for me to say I'm "good" at something.

Today as I was reflecting on all of this, a song written by Brent Jackson (a super talented musician who interns and leads worship at our church), ironically called "Reflecting", came to mind. If you want to hear the entire song you can do so here, but the chorus is what struck me:

"So if you ever thought you've seen a light in me//He is reflecting//The sun shines on the moon and me//The beauty comes in the reflecting."

This got me thinking that when I hide or deny the gifts God has given me, I dampen the light that He is trying to reflect through my life. That still doesn't mean that I know what all my gifts are, but it does mean I want to be able to be open to God showing me those things as well as how to acknowledge and use them for His glory. Here's to reflecting a tiny piece of the beauty and nature of our infinite God and allowing Him to shine through me in both my weaknesses and my strengths.

lately

It's been a while since I updated, partially due to the craziness of life as a med student and partially due to the fact that we have had people staying at our house every night, except one, for six days. It was great hosting Derek and his TOMS shoes teammates as well as Janine and Gaby, her Nuru co-worker, but it doesn't leave much time for blogging. So here's what's been happening lately:

• Congratulations Mr. & Mrs. Feathers! I was blessed to be able to attend Adam and Chrissy's wedding last Saturday and celebrate with them. The bride looked beautiful and it was a wonderful celebration of a couple brought together by the ultimate Matchmaker (with a little help from Tiffany).
• After 7 long months, I finally got to see Janine again! It was great to have her here for a week and to hear about her time in Kenya as well as what God is doing in her life now. (More about what God taught me through her visit in my next post).
  
• While Janine was here, we were able to have a "family breakfast" at our house with the members of our community group and other friends. Jamie was a huge help, handling the eggs and bacon while I worked on pancakes. It was a great time and gave Janine and Derek a chance to connect with a lot of people that they haven't seen in quite a while. Here are a few pics from the morning:
  

Jamie and I cooking breakfast and Janine making a weird face apparently

"Normal" family photo

...and not so normal ;)

• On a personal note, I feel like I have been struggling for a while with a lack of desire and motivation to work on my relationship with God. I have been lazy about prayer, reading the Word, most things actually. Mostly, I have just felt beat down by the cares and stress of life. Lately, however, I feel God drawing me back to Himself and renewing my desire for Him, which is such a blessing. I am grateful for a Savior who is faithful even when I am not and for brothers and sisters in Christ who not only challenge me to grow closer to God but who show me what that looks like with their lives (another HUGE blessing of Janine's visit). Rob Bell asks the question: If someone looked at only your life, how would they answer the question "Did Jesus rise from the dead?" Praying that my life will be more of a reflection of the resurrection power during this Easter season and beyond.