It's hard for me to believe that another year is coming to a close and a new one is beginning. I've never been big on setting New Year's resolutions but one thing I do want to concentrate on in 2010 is seeing God as the Creator that He is. See, I have the tendency to wish for things to be the way they used to be or to want a great experience to be repeated again. Instead, this year, I want to start thinking in terms of the new things God is doing. I want to be open to new experiences and even new challenges that God has in store. God is a creator, not a replicator, and I want to adjust my frame of reference in order to see Him that way. Instead of praying for things to go back to the way they used to be I want to pray that God will create new experiences that will be just as meaningful and that He will place new dreams in my heart for this year and for the future.
Some big things I am looking forward to in the New Year:
Celebrating Jamie's 30th birthday in a few short weeks....he may not be that excited about it, but I am looking forward to having a chance to celebrate him.
Being a bridesmaid in Janine's wedding! She is an amazing person and friend and I will be so proud to stand with her as she pledges her heart to David.
Celebrating the (so far) 4 weddings that are planned for good friends in 2010.
Getting back into better shape and hopefully running my 3rd half-marathon sometime in the fall.
Most of all, I am looking forward to all the surprises God has in store and all the new things He is going to do that I haven't even imagined yet.
We didn't send out Christmas cards this year but hope these pictures of our "kids" will do. I couldn't actually get Lucy to pose with any Christmas garb on so had to edit that in for her :). Merry Christmas! Praying that you spend some time reflecting on the love of our Savior whose birth we celebrate.
The thing I love about Thanksgiving is that it gives us an opportunity to truly focus on the blessings we have been given that we often tend to overlook in the day to day. I have so many things to be thankful for but here are just a few:
A God who loves me with a perfect love even though I'm flawed and imperfect. He has blessed me in so many ways and is deserving of my utmost gratitude and love.
A husband who takes care of me, makes me laugh like no one else can, loves me and loves the Lord.
An awesome family, both biologically and through Christ. God has put some amazing people in my life who have blessed me beyond belief.
Two fun dogs even though I want to kill them sometimes (like when they chew up my shoes)
God's provision which has been shown to us in amazing ways. It has helped me trust the Lord when things look absolutely impossible.
A roof over my head, food to eat, clothes to wear, and the knowledge that this makes me rich in comparison to most of the world.
The dreams God has already fulfilled for me and the dreams He has yet to give me. I love God's surprises and the fact that I have no idea what God has in store for me. Sometimes it's nerve wracking to the worrier in me but I know that it's ultimately a blessing and an adventure.
Friends that make me laugh until I cry
Watching the first snow fall outside my window
Peppermint mochas
Wearing Jamie's sweatpants
Candy cane Tootsie roll pops
Anything pumpkin
I'm sure there are many more things I could list but I'll keep it short for now. Praying that you spend some time reflecting on all that you have to be thankful for.
I have been amazing lately by the way God has been revealing Himself through His provision. I suppose God is always a provider, but I find that I often don't take the time to notice. Lately, though, His hand has been undeniable. Here are just a few ways He has provided recently:
On the day I wrote a tithe check that I wasn't entirely sure we would have enough money in our account to cover, God provided exactly DOUBLE that amount through one of our friends who just felt called to give us that amount of money.
When I got out of work the other day, I had 4 BRAND NEW tires on my car out of the blue thanks to other awesome people who God used as His hands and feet.
This weekend was a pretty busy one for me. I had a test yesterday and "should have" been studying all weekend but ended up working on Saturday to help with our finances and went to see my friend Jill's baby on Saturday night. On Sunday I could have spent the whole day studying but instead decided to go to church and to the David Crowder concert, against what the fear of failure inside me wanted. Today I found out that I did better on that test than I have any the whole year!
These are just a few of the examples of God's amazing blessings lately. The most beautiful part about these provisions is the way I have seen God use our community and those people He has put in our lives to do His work. I have always loved that God uses ordinary, broken, messed up people to do extraordinary things. The sacrificial love of our community has shown me a true picture of who Jesus is. Never underestimate the value of even a small act done in God's love.
There are so many adjectives we each use to describe ourselves. Just think about the phrase I am ______. What words fill in the blank for you? Mine could include Christian, wife, student, pharmacist, daughter, sister, friend.....the list goes on and on.
One of the most exciting words I would use to fill in the blank recently, however, is Nuru. If you've read any of my previous blogs, you probably know how I feel about those living in poverty. I believe we have a responsibility to first of all, care about those who are suffering and second of all, care for them. I also believe that the end of extreme poverty is a milestone that can be reached in our lifetime. It may sound like a lofty goal, but I believe that Nuru International has just the unique vision and model to accomplish it. I've blogged about Nuru in the past but if you want to know more, please click on the link and explore their brand new website!
If you like what you see, I encourage you to take the next step and take action in the fight against extreme poverty. The website has a whole list of ways you can join the fight without spending a penny. For example, Jamie just ran his 3rd marathon to benefit Nuru and raised $250 in the process!
Jamie crossing the finish line
All of us decked out in our Nuru gear (puffy paint shirts and all)
If you can afford a financial donation, Nuru has a new recurring giving program designed to lift 1000 families out of extreme poverty for less than $1 a day. Whatever your resources, consider how you can use them to help those who aren't yet able to help themselves.
Sooo....apparently it's been forever since I blogged. I don't know what to say other than there's been a lot going on in the past several months that I haven't been ready to articulate. I have been going through some struggles with myself and with God but think I am coming out on the other side so hopefully I can get back into blogging mode.
One big update over the last couple months: I got my hair chopped off! I've been thinking about it for a while and finally got up the courage to do it for my 28th birthday. Below are the before and after photos. It's taken a lot of getting used to and I like it but I'm still not sure if I want to keep it short or grow it out....Any thoughts??
From my last post, some of you may have guessed that Jamie and I have been having some financial problems recently. Things have been really tight lately and long story short, we weren't sure if we were going to be able to pay our bills this month. We prayed about the situation and had to trust that God would provide or show us what was best (which was easier said than done for me since I tend to be a natural worrier).
Then, on Saturday afternoon, as I was cleaning up after the yard sale, I found an envelope on our kitchen counter that said "Luke 11:11-13" on the outside. For those of you who aren't familiar, those verses say:
"What father among you, if his son asks for a fish, will instead of a fish give him a serpent;or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion?If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!"
The envelope was sealed so I asked Jamie if it was his or if he knew where it came from. When he said no, we opened the envelope and inside was $300! We don't know who gave us that money or how or why but I can't tell you how thankful I am for it. It is refreshing and awe-inspiring to experience this example of true community and the tangibility of Christ's love. I am thankful for a living example of some things God has been teaching me through these verses:
"By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him? Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth." 1 John 3: 16-18
Most of all, I am thankful for a loving Father who knows just what we need and who cares for us even we we can't see past our circumstances.
This past weekend, Jamie and I celebrated our one year anniversary. It's hard to believe how fast a year can fly by and how much can happen! The picture above is one of my favorites from our wedding day. I love it because Jamie can still always make me laugh. It's one of my favorite things about him.
As Jamie and I were reflecting on married life, we came up with a few surprises from the last year:
2 puppies -- definitely didn't think that was going to happen this time last year!
the adjustment married life takes, especially in the area of finances....God has (and continues to) teach us a lot in this area and through married life in general!
how nice it is to have a best friend that you live with :)
how much my husband spoils me! case in point my anniversary gifts from him:
I'm sure there are a million more surprising/learning/growing experiences that have happened that I haven't mentioned. I can only pray that God will continue to teach us and grow us in Him through many more years of marriage and that our marriage will be a reflection of His love.
When I started this blog a few weeks ago (just call me a blogging slacker), it was going to be about how well my first attempt at meal planning was going. And believe me, it did go well for the first week. Then came a few snafus...
Let me start of by saying I never thought I was the "meal planning type"....I don't really know what that means except that it seemed like a lot of work for someone whose idea of cooking for the past few years was sticking a Lean Cuisine in the microwave. However, when Jamie and I sat down to talk about our budget a few weeks ago we realized we were spending WAY too much on food (namely because we were eating out all the time). Because my trips to the grocery store usually result in buying lots of food and then coming home only to realize I have nothing to actually make a meal, I decided to give meal planning a shot.
I sat down with my Kraft Foods magazines and a few other recipes and made a grocery list with all the ingredients I would need for the week's meals. I was surprised to find that not only did planning ahead help me focus at the grocery store (instead of just buying anything that looked good at the time), it actually helped me save money. Score one for meal planning!
Like I said, the first week went remarkably well. Jamie was able to come home on his dinner break each night to eat and I was able to have time after my rotation to cook. The one night I was on call during the week, I made something the night before so that Jamie could have leftovers. Then last week hit....I was on call 4 nights and Jamie worked twenty-some hours of overtime. That is when the meal planning fell apart a little. I was still able to cook a few days and have some leftovers ready for some of the other days but it didn't go as smoothly as I would have hoped, especially compared to the first week.
Overall, I think meal planning is a good thing that we can make work with some adjustments to make sure things fit with our lifestyle. I've realized a few things:
I actually like cooking most of the time and feel a sense of accomplishment when I cook a "real" meal that my husband likes.
Jamie and I have crazy lives and schedules right now so it may not be a realistic goal for us to be able to cook a meal and eat together every night.
My meal planning may not look quite the same or go as smoothly as that of others so I need to stop comparing, but it is a way for Jamie and I to cut back on some of our spending and hopefully a step towards getting our finances under control.
Practice makes perfect so hopefully the meal planning will get better as time goes on!
So....we've decided to keep the puppy. Her name is Lucy (going along with the Peanuts theme). Unlike Schroder, she is completely untrained so we are still working on the whole don't use the bathroom in the house thing. Schroder is a lot less jealous than when she first got here and they get along well most of the time. Here are a few more pics of her: (and I promise my next blog won't be about dogs!)
So.....we have a new puppy at our house. This morning when I took Schroder out for his walk, I heard another dog barking at him. At first I thought it was one of our neighbor's dogs but then I realized that it was coming from UNDER Jamie's cruiser. Long story short, this adorable little thing was under the car:
(she's really tired in this pic....long, exciting day for her)
She had no collar or tags and so far no one has come looking for her so we assume that someone dropped her off. We are going to hang up signs to see if she is lost and then we're not sure what to do with her. We don't want to take her to a shelter that euthanizes. Will Schroder have a little sister?? Stay tuned for details! Until then, one more cute picture:
A couple weeks ago, Jamie and I went on our 2nd trip to Jamaica (the 1st being our honeymoon). This trip came on the heels of finishing 2nd year of med school and Step 1 (the first part of my boards) and on the cusp of beginning 3rd year, which is basically me paying to work in the hospital. I'm not sure either Jamie or I realized how much we needed this vacation until we were actually on it. We both knew we needed some relaxation and a break from the hectic-ness of our lives lately but we didn't know how much we needed that time to unplug, get away and reconnect in our marriage. We try to make time for a date night once a week but somehow those tend to turn into us going out to dinner and talking about all the things we need to get done and then running errands. This trip definitely taught us that we need to make more time for actual connection even in our busy day to day. It was an awesome vacation spent mostly relaxing and doing not much of anything with the love of my life. Here are a few pictures from the trip:
I loved these peacocks! They just roamed the resort hanging out (I think this one wanted to go shopping)
Our first experience eating escargot.....all gone! It was so good :)
My totally unfried calamari....wasn't expecting thatbut it was still delicious
Just one of the beautiful views
Us on our candlelight dinner with our cute heart decorated desserts
I have always loved photography and photo editing but my newest passion is making photo mosaics....so much fun! Luckily I was able to find a free program online called Andrea Mosaic to help support this passion as I don't have the money for a fancy program like Photoshop (although a girl can dream). Here are a few of the ones I have made so far (click on the picture to make it bigger and see all the smaller pics):
I made this one for my friend Sarah's graduation
This one was for my friend Mary's wedding
And this one is just for fun
While studying for Step 1 (which I finished on Monday....yay!), I often dreamed of what it would be like if my job were just making photo mosaics all day. In the meantime, guess I will continue it as a hobby, but if you know someone who wants one tell them to get in touch with me and we can work out a price! ;)
Don't you just love when God knows exactly what you need when you need it? For the last several weeks, I have been feeling really lonely and left out. Maybe it is because I have been a studying hermit lately, but it seems like I have been missing out on a lot. The biggest void that I have been feeling is in close female relationships. I am blessed to have friends all over the world (doing amazing things for God I might add!) but the lack of the physical closeness of my girl friends is sorely felt at times. And despite having an amazing community group, I have found it hard to cultivate the same type of close female friendships and most of my efforts have felt very one-sided. In short, I was in need of some encouragement.
Enter Sarah.
As I was studying tonight at Panera, she brought me this study "care package" (complete with chocolate, caffeine and raisins and the scientific evidence to prove they would help my studying ;)) :
It was such a bright spot in my day....let's be honest - in the last couple weeks! I think I just needed a reminder that I wasn't forgotten - by others or God. I love that God allows us to partner with Him to bring encouragement to others and I am thankful that He saw fit to bless me today when I needed it most.
At church as of late, we have had a sermon series focused on "the love chapter," 1 Corinthians 13. This week at Wired small group, we spent some time talking to our high school students about love and asked them to interpret 1 Corinthians 13:1-8 in their own words. Here is what one of our students came up with:
If I can recite my entire history book out loud in front of my whole class, but don't have love, I'm just a headache. If I can figure out the end of every movie I see, and if I have enough faith to bungee jump off a cliff--WITHOUT THE BUNGEE--and trust God to catch me, and don't have love, I'm not getting anything to my benefit. If I give to every Christian organization and then go and be a beggar, but have no love, it was all pointless.
Love doesn't mind waiting in lines; it is kind whenever someone hates it; it's not jealous of the girl who's always the center of attention; it doesn't see itself as even a tiny bit better than anyone else. Love isn't rude enough to take the last piece of it's favorite cake when there's a little kid behind it in line who wants it; it doesn't blow up when someone says something rude, and it doesn't gossip to friends about how many times a person gave you a mean look. Love is really nice, and it hates lies. It stands up for it's little brother; it really hopes that your most competitive teammate does well, and it loves it when it finally scored an A in algebra.
Pretty insightful huh? I love seeing high school students who really "get it" and are living their lives for Jesus, mostly because it took me until high school to even start pursuing Christ and I wish I would have "gotten it" sooner.
Just for fun, here are our pictorial representations of the opposite of 1 Corinthians 13:
I am officially done with 2nd year medical school! (also supposedly the hardest year) Pending one more test grade I passed all my classes and am done with class for good :) The next month I will be studying for the first part of my boards, Step 1. I take them on June 8 then have 2 1/2 weeks off (including a trip to Jamaica) before I start 3rd year rotations.
I am actually looking forward to 3rd year. It won't be easy but I am thankful that I will be doing hands on learning instead of sitting in lectures. Hopefully, it will also help me decide what area of medicine I am interested in. Plus, I hear I may actually get to have a semi-normal life which I am definitely excited about.
Praying for perseverance and motivation for the next month and attempting to study as to the Lord!
...lately I have been lacking it. School has been so overwhelming that everything else seems to fall by the wayside (including blogging), not to mention my motivation for studying has been severely waning. To be honest I have felt like everything I'm doing is sub-par these days.
However, in the last several days (thanks to some encouragement and advice from people I am in community with), I have found that when I am intentional about working (and studying, and cleaning...) as to the Lord, that my stinky attitude gets much better. In short, when I make Christ my motivation, I am a lot more motivated! Don't get me wrong, I still don't do this every moment of my day, but in those moments when I do, I find that even the most mundane tasks can be joyful and worshipful.
I covet your prayers in the next week or so as I finish up school with some high stakes exams that I have to pass to pass second year and for the next month and half as I study for my boards. Pray that my focus can be on Christ and His will and that my days would Spirit-led instead of driven by stress and fear. Grace and peace to you all. Namaste!
While Janine was here, I had the pleasure of hearing her speak to the Wired group about her work with Nuru which was #1 - just great and #2 - a challenge for me to find and pursue the things I am passionate about and allow God to show me who He has made me so that I can better serve Him. It would be easy (and is much of the time!) to wish that I had Janine's (or someone else's) life, or gifting, or abilities, but instead I am trying to learn to tap into my Creator and allow Him to show me how He has made me unique. Janine shared a favorite quote of mine during her talk:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
I have seen this principle at work in Janine's life through the amazing things she has been able to do by utilizing and embracing the talents that God has given her, but it is something I struggle with in my own life. I have always been taught that humbleness is paramount, but sometimes I think I take that a step too far. I still don't want to brag about myself but often I also shy away from "bragging" about what God is doing with me. I also have a hard time recognizing my gifts because it's hard for me to say I'm "good" at something.
Today as I was reflecting on all of this, a song written by Brent Jackson (a super talented musician who interns and leads worship at our church), ironically called "Reflecting", came to mind. If you want to hear the entire song you can do so here, but the chorus is what struck me:
"So if you ever thought you've seen a light in me//He is reflecting//The sun shines on the moon and me//The beauty comes in the reflecting."
This got me thinking that when I hide or deny the gifts God has given me, I dampen the light that He is trying to reflect through my life. That still doesn't mean that I know what all my gifts are, but it does mean I want to be able to be open to God showing me those things as well as how to acknowledge and use them for His glory. Here's to reflecting a tiny piece of the beauty and nature of our infinite God and allowing Him to shine through me in both my weaknesses and my strengths.
It's been a while since I updated, partially due to the craziness of life as a med student and partially due to the fact that we have had people staying at our house every night, except one, for six days. It was great hosting Derek and his TOMS shoes teammates as well as Janine and Gaby, her Nuru co-worker, but it doesn't leave much time for blogging. So here's what's been happening lately:
Congratulations Mr. & Mrs. Feathers! I was blessed to be able to attend Adam and Chrissy's wedding last Saturday and celebrate with them. The bride looked beautiful and it was a wonderful celebration of a couple brought together by the ultimate Matchmaker (with a little help from Tiffany).
After 7 long months, I finally got to see Janine again! It was great to have her here for a week and to hear about her time in Kenya as well as what God is doing in her life now. (More about what God taught me through her visit in my next post).
While Janine was here, we were able to have a "family breakfast" at our house with the members of our community group and other friends. Jamie was a huge help, handling the eggs and bacon while I worked on pancakes. It was a great time and gave Janine and Derek a chance to connect with a lot of people that they haven't seen in quite a while. Here are a few pics from the morning:
Jamie and I cooking breakfast and Janine making a weird face apparently
"Normal" family photo
...and not so normal ;)
On a personal note, I feel like I have been struggling for a while with a lack of desire and motivation to work on my relationship with God. I have been lazy about prayer, reading the Word, most things actually. Mostly, I have just felt beat down by the cares and stress of life. Lately, however, I feel God drawing me back to Himself and renewing my desire for Him, which is such a blessing. I am grateful for a Savior who is faithful even when I am not and for brothers and sisters in Christ who not only challenge me to grow closer to God but who show me what that looks like with their lives (another HUGE blessing of Janine's visit). Rob Bell asks the question: If someone looked at only your life, how would they answer the question "Did Jesus rise from the dead?" Praying that my life will be more of a reflection of the resurrection power during this Easter season and beyond.
Since this week was my spring break, Jamie and I used the opportunity to finally paint our bedroom. It wasn't in dire need of painting but we feel like it is "our" room now. Here are the before and after pics for you:
This is one shot of the room from when the previous owners lived there(yes there are llamas on the wall)
This is the room before we painted
The "after" picture
Don't mind Schroder, he thinks this is his bed
These pics are with painting only. We haven't hung any decorations on the walls yet. One thing that will definitely go up is this painting my friend Janine painted: More pics to follow when the room is fully decorated! Happy Monday!
Perhaps one of the biggest differences God has shown me between dating and marriage in the last seven months is that, while dating tends to bring out the best in us, marriage has the potential to bring out the worst. Don't get me wrong, this isn't always the case, but if you want to dredge up stuff you thought you had settled with God a long time ago, get married. I'm not talking about things that happened in the past, because I think Jamie and I talked exhaustively about those during our courtship and engagement (except maybe about the fact that I once interviewed to be the Mountaineer mascot, a fact that I only remembered about myself a couple weeks ago). Instead, these are things that when I lived on my own I was able to conceal from others and "control" for the most part. Things like: selfishness, a bad temper, stubborness...the list could go on I'm sure. To be honest, these things surface much more than I would like these days.
I don't want to paint marriage in a bad light (especially for all those who aren't married that I just scared off) because it is wonderful but I think the point is that God's purpose for marriage is very different from that of the world. I've heard it said a million times, but have found it to be true and so practical: "God's plan for marriage is holiness, not happiness." And as part of the work to make us holy, God uses the context of marriage to bring out our selfish desires and actions. He shows us that no matter how much we think we have it all figured out and no matter how good we look to those on the outside, we aren't as holy as we think we are. I am encouraged that as I work on these issues that come up in my marriage relationship, God is working to perfect the most important relationship I've ever had -- the one I have with Him. So here's to allowing marriage to make me more holy AND more happy. :)
I just had to pay tribute to this book (one of my favs as a child) since I felt like I was living in it Monday (for more about that, see last post): But I found that God has been teaching me a few things lately, partly through that day (and the preceding and subsequent crazy weeks), but also through just reflecting on my life lately. Just a little summary for you:
First of all, I was able to share the story of my very unfortunate car week with the girls at Wired last night as an example of the way God is teaching me to trust Him especially when I don't understand what the heck He is doing. We were talking about how God knows what He's doing and that we can trust Him even when we can't see what that is and I thought this was a perfect example.
God has really confronted me with my attachment to material possessions. I never considered this a big problem for me and I wasn't that upset about the fact that our cars got dented but I did realize that I was mourning the loss of the things we could buy with the money we will be spending on repairs. Turns out, I really like nice things. I like vacations, going out to dinner, buying things for the house, just picking up random things that I see at Target...and I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with those things. But God has been challenging me to check the importance I place on them in light of how much He has blessed me already and how unimportant they are in the eternal scheme of things.
""Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30...Pretty self explanatory but this was the verse presented by a speaker at CMDA (Christian Medical and Dental Association) yesterday. Besides being just the encouragement I needed, it make me realize that I complain too much. No matter how heavy my load, it is light if I let Jesus help me carry it...or better yet, give it to Him altogether.
God has been showing me an inconsistency in my desires and how I actually live my life. As I was worshiping last night at Wired and singing "King of Majesty/I have one desire/Just to be with you my Lord," I really meant it, but then at home a couple hours later I was yelling at Jamie about something stupid. See, my desire is to follow Jesus and to live my life in a way that glorifies Him but often that's as far as I go....desire. I get lazy at the work that goes into maintaining a relationship with God that allows me to live my life in a way that glorifies Him.
As you can see, God is teaching me a lot...Just wish He didn't have to get my attention with terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days ;)
Have you ever had one of those days where you should have just stayed in bed? Yesterday was one of those days for me. It all started when, instead of the alarm on my phone going off, the phone froze at the time the alarm should have been going off and Jamie woke up a half-hour late for work. The day starting off on the wrong foot before we even woke up should have been my first clue not to get out of bed. But instead, I got up and went to class. To make a long story (and day) short, I ended up hitting a truck in the parking lot at the hospital on my way from class to meet a friend for lunch -- in Jamie's truck. Mind you, this is my second accident in a eight days, the first being a slide on black ice into a guardrail in my car. This after a lifetime of very little trouble in the way of cars. God must be teaching me something, although I'm not 100% sure what yet. Maybe a little clue from my Bible reading yesterday though:
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4
Prayers appreciated that the damage won't be too expensive and that I can find joy even in a Monday were I spent a significant portion of the day crying.
This weekend was unique for Jamie and I: Because he had to go to inservice in Charleston for three days this week, Jamie actually worked dayshift all week and had the entire weekend off -- a "normal people" schedule! Despite the fact that I still had to study this weekend, we took advantage of his time off and had some fun.
Friday: We went to Black Bear to see Chris Cendana (one of my friends from high school and an excellent musician) play. It is rare that Jamie gets to hang out with our group of friends since activities usually occur on evenings and weekends so it was nice to get some people together to eat good food, drink some margaritas and listen to some great music. Afterward, we went out on the town for a bit before settling in for the night.
Saturday: We had a pretty chill day (which was nice after a night out -- man, we are getting old). We did "married people stuff" i.e. taxes and my FAFSA and Jamie watched some TV while I studied. We did venture out for Schroder's second trip to Petco (the first was on the first day we got him and I think he was a little traumatized). This time went much better. We got him a few toys and got a few new fish since our cannabalistic goldfish ate all the other ones we had. After our trip to Petco, we felt inspired to watch "It's Me or the Dog" to get some training trips for Schroder, especially since he has been pulling on his leash a lot lately. We thought a harness was the cure until Schroder figured out that he hated it and chewed through almost the whole thing while we were taking a nap. He may hate training, but at least he's smart.
Sunday: Jamie and I slept in a bit, made waffles for breakfast, then enjoyed actually getting to go to church together. The rest of the day was spent running errands, relaxing (Jamie) and studying (me) before heading to dinner with our community group. Despite the misery of studying on a weekend that my husband actually had off, I did get caught up before starting the dreaded test week.
Overall, we spent a significant part of the weekend dreaming about what it would be like if I didn't have to study, Jamie worked a regular schedule and we had real, relaxing weekends all the time. Hopefully someday it will happen, but who knows. It definitely didn't help my desire to quit school, but did increase my desire for spring break in 2 weeks and my appreciation for the time that Jamie and I actually do get to spend together.
Lately, I have been struggling a lot with inadequacy, especially in the area of being a wife. It seems that when I look around at other Christian wives I see women who stay at home, cook dinner every night, plan meals for the week or month, budget, stay on top of cleaning, have babies and raise them. All of that stuff is amazing (if you are one of these wives you rock my life), but it simply isn't my life right now. I am the wife whose house may look like a tornado hit it, especially on test week. I am the wife who is more likely to pick up dinner somewhere while running between school, meetings, etc than to cook a big meal. I am the wife who will probably eat cereal for dinner if her husband's at work. I am the wife whose husband is more likely to do laundry than I am. The longest my planning of meals usually goes is this: what are we eating for the next one? I am the wife who doesn't know when she'll have kids and questions if she'll ever be ready since sometimes she can't handle taking care of a puppy.
Believe me, I know that I'm not supposed to be comparing myself to other people (easier said than done for me!) but as I look around at other Christians it is difficult to find wives in a similar situation as mine, or at least those women are not the ones in my life or my community. All this to say that lately I have been calling into question what my life is supposed to look like in light of my role and responsibility as a Christian wife and the call that I feel that God has for me and feeling like a failure on most counts.
Fortunately, yesterday I was able to attend a lunch seminar with Charles Lee, who is a pastor and co-founder of an organization called Just One. His talk was about creativity, but as a part of it he also addressed redefining failure using this video as illustration:
He made the point that outcomes are God's business and that our part of the equation is simply faithfulness. His spin on failure was this: "If you stay faithful to the passions God has formed in you, you cannot fail."
Does this mean I don't want to be better at domestic things and taking care of my home? No, but it does mean that I am free to leave the results up to God while I worry about staying faithful to His calling.
So, I'm not sure how many of you know this, but this week is Random Acts of Kindness Week. Last night, at our Wired small group, we were talking about creative ways to bless others especially in light of this week (and wondering if you plan something if it can still be a random act of kindness). Little did I know, I was going to get a chance to witness a truly random act of kindness today.
Since it was such a nice day, Jamie and I decided to take Schroder to the Botanical Gardens for a little jog/walk. On our first lap around the trail, we noticed a man who had tied his dog's leash to a tree and was yelling for another dog to come to him. As we got closer, we saw that the other dog was in a creek that had gotten fairly deep because of the rain recently. On top of that, the dog was blind. Apparently, the dog had fallen off the bridge and into the water. As soon as we figured out what was going on, Jamie handed me Schroder's leash and waded down to the water to help retrieve the dog. After probably 10-15 minutes, he and the dog's owner finally got the dog out of the water and back on his leash.
The moral of this story? I love that I have the kind of husband who didn't hesitate to help someone in need (especially since the runaway dog situation was all too reminiscent of my awful night with Schroder on Friday....whole other story). In truth, it's what we as Christians are supposed to do, not just on Random Acts of Kindness Week, but always. I love the picture Jesus paints for us in the Bible of what it's like when we help others: "I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me." (Matthew 25:40)
I pray that this week and the above scripture would be a reminder to us as Christians that we are to live a Random (and planned) Acts of Kindness LIFE! Feel free to leave any ideas of RAOK that you have done or that others have done to bless you...I would love to hear them :)
Lately I have been thinking a lot about grace and its dispensation. More specifically, I have struggled with the balance of grace and accountability. How do I encourage my brothers and sisters in their walk with Christ and keep them accountable to that while still displaying the grace that has been so freely given to me? How do I keep others accountable for things that I have messed up on in the past without being hypocritical, legalistic, judgmental? Less it sound differently, I do believe this can and should be done but in my humanness I find it a constant struggle that I probably mess up more than I get right.
This balancing act is one of the things that makes living in community so difficult. Inevitably you are dealing with a group of people that are not in the same place spiritually and it is often difficult to know how to deal with individuals in the place where they are instead of treating everyone the same or assuming everyone is at the same place spiritually as you are. As the pastor from my home church likes to say, "Sameness isn't fairness," and he's right. While it might seem fair and equal to treat everyone the same, it's not the way Jesus treats us and not the example given to us from the Bible. In 1 Thessalonians 5:14, Paul says, "And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone." He urges us to treat people differently based on they place they are in. If they are lazy they should be warned, if they are timid they should be encouraged, if they are weak, they need help. When we warn the weak or encourage the idle, we do them a disservice, which is why the same approach cannot work for every person. "Sameness isn't fairness."
But the part of that verse that I have the hardest time with is "be patient with everyone." Ahhh, back to the balancing act. I will admit, I struggle with being patient with those who are less spiritually mature or who are immature in general. Not that I have it all figured out by any means, but I find myself getting impatient with those who I feel should "know better." I rarely stop to question whether they do know better or examine whether instead of being idle they are perhaps timid or weak...I jump right on the "warn" bandwagon. My prayer is that as I navigate through the balancing act of grace versus action, God will give me eyes to better discern individual needs and patience with the timid, the weak, AND the idle.
I have been tagged by Andrea Salamanca who is pretty much the coolest mom of (soon to be) 2 that I know :)
Here are the rules:
1) Choose the 4th folder where you store your pictures on your computer.
2) Select the 4th picture in the folder.
3) Explain the picture.
4) Tag 4 people to do the same.
Here's my pic: Hilarious that this is the pic that was in that folder. This was taken sometime around my 26th birthday, so in September of 2007. I came home from work (yeah, somehow I always work on my birthday) to find a mini surprise party, complete with cookie cake. This is my sister Ashley's husband (boyfriend at the time though), Adam with icing from the cookie on his beard.
