isn't it ironic....don't ya think?

Sometimes I have to laugh at God's sense of humor and irony. The other night at Wired small group we were discussing the discipline of submission. The major idea was that God knows way better than we do and that submission to Him and His will is a question of trust- trusting that He is a Good King who knows and wants what is best for us. During this discussion, the issue of obeying your parents came up and I was able to draw the comparison between God having a greater perspective and not always choosing the easy way and the fact that as a teenager, even though you may think you know better, sometimes your parents have a bigger perspective and a good reason for making you do things "the hard way." Easy lesson to teach...harder one to learn.

Yesterday, as I was having a mini-freak out and feeling totally overwhelmed, inadequate, and humbled by med school, I found myself asking God why He would call me to go back to school and then make it so hard. (Sounding familiar to anyone??) That's when I realized that I wasn't trusting my Daddy, my heavenly Father, to know what was best for me. It was so easy for me to tell my Wired girls that God doesn't always do things the easiest way or the way that seems best to us but here I was asking Him the exact question they asked of their parents: "Why can't I do things my way? It seems so much easier and better." My oh my, how God challenges us to "walk the talk" and brings to light areas in our own life where we are not practicing what we are so quick to advise others to do.

Submission isn't easy and sometimes trusting God's plan isn't either. Though we know that He is a Good King and Father, we wonder why He brings us through the desert or even why He seems to be leaving us there. Yet it is my desire and hope that even in the times that I don't understand why God does what He does, I can say with Jesus: "God not my will, but Yours."

blessed

I have absolutely the best fiance ever. Any of you that know me know that I am not one to gush, but I am just blown away at times by Jamie's thoughtfulness, even in the smallest things. Like for example, sometime last week I saw this super-cute bag at Target (yes, I am obsessed with bags). The picture is below ;)

Cute, right??? Well, I didn't think anything else of it because I knew I didn't have money to spare to buy it. But the other day I went to meet Jamie at Barnes & Noble and he brought me not only the protein bars I needed from Target, but also the fabulous bag :) Then, last night he went above and beyond again by buying me the Invisible Children shirt I had my eye on, as well as making sure Tiffany sold enough books so that she could win her bet with the other roadies. Isn't he the best? Taking care of not only me but also my sister....

The most amazing thing about all of this is that I really used to believe that being treated that way - with thoughtfulness, kindness, and respect - must have been just a selfish desire. I had come to believe that my desire to feel special was something that I just needed to "get over." At the root of this false belief was the fact that my previous relationship was exactly that - mine, not God's. Because I wasn't being treated well, I was deceived into believing that I didn't deserve to be. But God gives us that desire -- the desire to feel loved and appreciated -- because He is the fulfillment of that desire. What we experience here on earth in relationships with others is a mere reflection of how He feels about us. That is why God doesn't want us to settle for second best....for our best, not His. His design, His desire, is for us to be loved as Christ loves the church. I think Janine said it best in her chat to me the other day:

Janine: awe tara

isn't that amazing

God is so in love with you and he pours it out thru jamie

jamie loves you the way Christ loved the church

that's more than amazing

it's God's way, and that's just perfect