"Father come to me, hold me up 'cause I can barely stand
My strength is gone and my breath is short, I can't reach out my hands
But my heart is set on a pilgrimage to heaven's own bright King
So in faltering or victory I will always sing"
-- Charlie Hall "On the Road to Beautiful"
This was pretty much my theme song when training for the marathon, especially on the really long 15-18 mile runs, but I find that it is increasingly becoming my theme song for LIFE. Even though my life is amazingly blessed, sometimes I find myself getting so overwhelmed that I feel like I am struggling to find the strength just to go on. And though I hate that feeling, in a way I know that that point of vulnerability is exactly where I need to be. In all honesty, I can't do anything on my own and that is something that isn't easy for me to admit. Being completely reliant on someone else is not in my nature (as I'm sure all of you who know me well are very aware of), but knowing that my Heavenly Father is absolutely trustworthy allows me to lay everything (including my own weak self) at His feet.
Through countless avenues -- my own experience, the lives of other, the Bible -- God has shown me so clearly that He always provides for His will to be accomplished. We usually think of that provision as financial or material but often God's provision in my life comes through Himself -- His strength, His comfort, motivation to do His work, or just His presence. Right now my struggle is with motivation and discipline. I know that God is the one who called me back to medical school and I know that He will provide for me to accomplish His will, but I am lacking motivation to do my part and to join with God in His work. I am lacking discipline to make myself study when there are so many other things I would rather be doing. I am lacking confidence in my intelligence and ability.
All of these fears and doubts only make me want to run to God more, to be more dependent on Him and yet this desire doesn't always translate into action on my part. So I need YOU as well as God. I need and covet your prayers. God allows us the unique opportunity to intercede for each other, to fight for each other, and to partner with each other to accomplish His work and His will. So will you join me on "the road to beautiful" where we rely on God, but also on each other? Where we know that God provides but we petition for that provision in each others' lives? Where we share each others' faltering as well as victory? Where we truly become the body of Christ, knowing that one part can't work without all of the others?
1 comment:
I'm in! Tara, I am seriously at the same point. You know how we talked about that new accountability question...once again, I feel like God is providing in each other again. Read Matthew 18:19-20...let's set aside a day/time to pray for and with each other about THIS. We are both in a season where we REALLY need to do this. We need Discipline and we need help to get there. I'm up for a morning meet and pray at Starbucks, or an evening event. I really think tho that this will turn into something God can and will use for each of us to be centered on him and present our requests. Can't wait to see what he will do when we begin to pray. I love you!
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